My mother, had taken me and my brother down to Upper Darby when we were children. where we would meet our babysitter, Sodsee. Our mother wanted us to learn how to cook her recipes. She had no clue of how making the Asian food. My mother was never interested in other cultures of food. She was only into her heritage of food and never wanted to go outside of whatever she had a taste for.
Our mother pulled off to say a goodbye, Sodee’s exterior was small and bush of vegetables growing in the front of her house. The exterior didn’t have much else besides the rotting plaster on the exterior walls. We entered the interior of her house, it was very minimalist, old, and somewhat decaying. nothing on the walls besides some pictures of elephants. The textures of her walls felt bumpy and rough. I entered her place for the first time with Nicholas, My brother. He had loved her cooking as much as I did. I’d enter her damp unrenovated kitchen with my brother and I. would help her cut up some of the ingredients. Like Scallions’ and peppers. We’d help her make a dish called “Thai pork” with rice. She had many ingredients that I haven’t seen before. A lot of those ingredients were from her marketplace, she was running a supermarket that she had built with her family’s inheritance. She had this special siracha that tasted completely different from the one you’d usually get from the grocery store. The secret though, was the extra garlic that gave the dish its bold spicy flavor. We still have her recipes that she written down from a long time ago. They’re old, but the quality of the paper holds up, it sits on the refrigerator like it was yesterday. Untouched, yellowed and dry. But I could never make it like she did. She was excellent at cooking. But I was terrible. But keep in mind, I was about 10 years old. I wanted to explore cooking as much as my brother did. This had led us to introduce us to other tastes of culture to our family. Sodsee came to the USA look for a job in architecture. She was studying over from her hometown in Chung Mai, Thailand. A town that preserves the old city, but maintaining a modern environment. The school system was divided as a boy school and girl school. But they could go to either school if you had wanted to study another subject. She had finished school and wanted to start over in America. She told me a story once of her boss hiring her because of how calm she was when instructed to schematics again. A lot of the workers quit because the boss of the place wasn’t really a person that would let you off easy. He was a guy that wanted everything perfected. Later in time, technology was growing more rapidly in the late 80’s and 90’s. Computers where being introduced into workplaces and her boss wanted her to learn how to use computer. She only knew how to draw the schematics and blueprints, which lead to the inevitable of losing her job. Unfortunately, had nowhere else to turn. So, she put an ad to put babysitting in the newspaper. It was easier for her to travel because near her place. It was a more convenient. I greatly admired her personality. She always remained calm even at the tensest situations. She forgot to pay at a toll both because she thought It was free parking Sunday and the guy came out of his cramped both and gave her an earful. She had remained calm, and understood what she had done wrong. without making a ginormous scene. We finished cooking and sat down, I was starving, Like a Camel in the Sahara. So, I dived right in, and the taste of the pork was spicy, sweet and tangy. The rice, was sticky, it sticks to the roof of your mouth. Some of it can stay on your clothes if you’re a slob. This food wasn’t something you’d taste at one of those Asian American restaurants. No, it was truly the authentic cuisine! We finished eating. and I had looked around all’s I see is the empty space. No materialist items. Such as a TV, computer, car and phone. I had asked; “Don’t you have a TV or computer I could use?” I asked; “No, “Sodsee replied I wondered why she doesn’t even bother to have a TV or a computer? It seemed strange. But in an intriguing way. I wondered If she was living in the 21st century? Most people have these common items for everyday use. So I was intrigued in the state that she was in. So I had asked to fill the void of uncertainty; “Why don’t you have a computer or a television?” She gets up a takes a breath. And says; “Because materials have no value to us” “Do you care to explain?” She explained a specific term in Buddhism called “Taṇhā” Which refers to Thirst, desire and longing. Which then is an extension of “Dukkha” which is the meaning of “un-satisfactoriness”. The Term “Dukkha” is what we all have in ourselves. Everybody experiences Dukkha, either they go through the pain of lost loved one, or the suffering of debts. for some people, are what I describe as Taṇhā. Our Desires can leave us unsatisfied. “I reply; “What about Christmas! People buy presents they feel happy!” Sodsee Replies; “That is where both “Dukkha” and “Tanha” come in, those people will eventually be unsatisfied with what they are given. then will keep wanting more to satisfy themselves. Sodsee was raised a Buddhist. She was more invested then I was in religion. Her parents had introduced her to a temple at a very young age. She had grown a liking to what the monks had told her. in contrast of me with Christianity. Christmas, had lost its true meaning of celebration and turned into a capitalist buy-fest on the first week of black Friday. This doesn’t mean some people don’t purely celebrate Christmas on tradition. It just means that Christmas cannot be truly celebrated when all you’re asking for is presents and money. It made no sense to me at first. The terms itself are hard to pronounce since I don’t speak Sanskrit. But as I began to think deeper and as time went on. All of what she was saying made absolute sense of why she had nothing in her house. Lots of people have attached to items that have no meaning. Often feeling unsatisfied with what they’re handed of course. most of us have leaned onto items for happiness like a TV. Unless you can give you a meaning. Then there isn’t a purpose to have anything besides food, water, shelter and clothing. She also never wanted anything wasted like food or clothing. We had to finish our meals or she wouldn’t serve these meals ever again. But it was for a good reason. People complain about certain livestock, wood and other mammals are extinct but we as species, are to blame. Our world has turned into a trash dump filling the land with preservatives and not with organics and artificiality. She’d take anything she found on the streets and fertilize it for 8 months. The jar smelled like Compost, as you’d expect. But, it’s use was so versatile. Its most prominent use was for zits and pimples. The smell was so strong that it burned a homeland for the zits. After I had left that day, what Sodsee had told those days had stuck in my mind for a long time. Those teachings were branches to lead me on a different path. Reading practices from not only Buddhism, but its other branch Hinduism and other religions. I was raised a catholic my entire life. It had changed my perspective on the world. The home that she had lived in, was rundown. So, we never could go back there for quite some time. She moved back to Thailand and sold her house to support her supermarket she owned. I missed her house, the contents were nothing but old newspapers and plants. How I feel about this place is different from my real home that I’d live in. The space made me move around more and clear my mind. Even though the color of the interior wasn’t my forte. She still comes to my house and delivers food that she made. The same way she had made it from when we would go to her house. I but it isn’t the same as going to her house. It had an atmosphere that touches a different place in my heart. I hope to visit her exact home in Bangkok, Thailand one day. One of my true goals was to get into a university in Thailand and visit her. She had truly inspired me.
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My mother, had taken me and my brother down to Upper Darby when we were children. where we would meet our babysitter, Sodsee. Our mother wanted us to learn how to cook her recipes. She had no clue of how making the Asian food. My mother was never interested in other cultures of food. She was only into her heritage of food and never wanted to go outside of whatever she had a taste for.
Our mother pulled off to say a goodbye, Sodee’s exterior was small and bush of vegetables growing in the front of her house. The exterior didn’t have much else besides the rotting plaster on the exterior walls. We entered the interior of her house, it was very minimalist, old, and somewhat decaying. nothing on the walls besides some pictures of elephants. The textures of her walls felt bumpy and rough. I entered her place for the first time with Nicholas, My brother. He had loved her cooking as much as I did. I’d enter her damp unrenovated kitchen with my brother and I. would help her cut up some of the ingredients. Like Scallions’ and peppers. We’d help her make a dish called “Thai pork” with rice. She had many ingredients that I haven’t seen before. A lot of those ingredients were from her marketplace, she was running a supermarket that she had built with her family’s inheritance. She had this special siracha that tasted completely different from the one you’d usually get from the grocery store. The secret though, was the extra garlic that gave the dish its bold spicy flavor. The dish goes as follows. You start with heating a large saucepan and add the spring and coriander stalks then cook for 1 min. You add the pork next, but it was her twist. the pork which was already cooked but with fish, garlic and black pepper. We then stir her special curry paste, the stuff you’d only find in Thailand. We still have her recipes that she written down from a long time ago. They’re old, but the quality of the paper holds up, it sits on the refrigerator like it was yesterday. Untouched, yellowed and dry. But I could never make it like she did. She was excellent at cooking. But I was terrible. But keep in mind, I was about 10 years old. I wanted to explore cooking as much as my brother did. This had led us to introduce us to other tastes of culture to our family. We finished cooking and sat down, I was starving, Like a Camel in the Sahara. So, I dived right in, and the taste of the pork was spicy, sweet and tangy. The rice, was sticky, it sticks to the roof of your mouth. Some of it can stay on your clothes if you’re a slob. This food wasn’t something you’d taste at one of those Asian American restaurants. No, it was truly the authentic cuisine! and I had looked around all’s I see besides the empty space. No materialist items. Such as a TV, computer, car and phone. I had asked; “Don’t you have a TV or computer I could use?” I asked; “No, “Sodsee replied I wondered why she doesn’t even bother to have a TV or a computer? Is this woman living in the 21st century? I would think Most people would have these items. “Why don’t you have a computer or a television?” She gets up a takes a breath. And says; “Because materials have no value to us” “Do you care to explain?” She explained a specific term in Buddhism called “Taṇhā” Which refers to Thirst,desire and longing. Which then is an extension of “Dukkha” which is the meaning of “un-satisfactoriness”.the Term “Dukkha” is what we all have in ourselves. Everybody experiences Dukkha, either they go through the pain of lost loved one, or the suffering of debts. for some people, are what I describe as Taṇhā. Our Desires can leave us unsatisfied.”I reply;“What about Christmas! People buy presents they feel happy!” Sodsee Replies;“That is where both “Dukkha” and “Tanha” come in, those people will eventually be unsatisfied with what they are given. then will keep wanting more to satisfy themselves. She was also extremely poor when she came here.She only had a few thousand dollars and had Which she had told me later on when we finished eating. Sodsee was raised a Buddhist. She was more invested then I was in religion. Her parents had introduced her to a temple at a very young age. She had grown a liking to what the monks had told her. in contrast of me with Christianity. Christmas, had lost its true meaning of celebration and turned into a capitalist buy-fest on the first week of black Friday. This doesn’t mean some people don’t purely celebrate Christmas on tradition. It just means that Christmas cannot be truly celebrated when all you’re asking for is presents and money. It made no sense to me at first. The terms itself are hard to pronounce since I don’t speak Sanskrit. But as I began to think deeper and as time went on. All of what she was saying made absolute sense of why she had nothing in her house. Lots of people have attached to items that have no meaning. Often feeling unsatisfied with what they’re handed of course. most of us have leaned onto items for happiness like a TV. Unless it can give you a meaning. After I had left that day, what Sodsee had told those days had stuck in my mind for a long time. Those teachings were branches to lead me on a different path. Reading practices from not only Buddhism, but its other branch Hinduism and other religions. I was raised a catholic my entire life. It had changed my perspective on the world.But it also taught me something different in a way. A tradition of some sort. It had given the basis of how to cook. In which, my mother had been pushed me to learn, because it is important to know how to cook, because you can save a lot of money The home that she had lived in, was rundown. So, we never could go back there for quite some time. She moved back to Thailand and sold her house to support her supermarket she owned. I missed her house, the contents were nothing but old newspapers and plants. How I feel about this place is different from my real home that I’d live in. The space made me move around more and clear my mind. Even though the color of the interior wasn’t my forte. I hope to visit her exact home in Bangkok, Thailand one day. One of my true goals was to get into a university in Thailand and visit her. She had truly inspired me. It’s 12:00 am. I usually stay up at this time. The air is still. Not a single gust of wind. Its temperature was at a cool. It’s not freezing or too hot. You could describe it as spring. I slip on my shoes. Go outside, A take a drag of a cigarette. Look upon the sky and gaze at the stars.
I swiftly make myself to door. My parents hate when I’m up this late. They want their sleep. It’s hard because they had work early. I Usually did nothing on those days. The door from the downstairs peers open. My dad was unaware and oblivious of his surroundings. “What the hell?!?!” He shrieks I look at him Like I’ve done something wrong. Because he has never seen me be up this late. I reply “Did I scare you?” He looks over. With a half-cocked grin. Looking like he’s about to murder me. But still slightly showing that he understands “You did” and he’ pauses and says: “Why are up this late anyway? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for to go over?” OH, her house. This place is somewhere I have longed for. For me, I don’t even have any heritage or share any traits. It’s a place I was introduced to such a long time ago. It was about a few years ago; my mother knew her from us babysitting. She always wore clothes that had an oriental pattern She was a little, Maybe about 5ft 3. Her looked skin like uncooked brown rice, her teeth looked like they pushed forward by rock. She would always come over and make meals. They weren’t anything my parents made. They make Italian food which had a sweet and dry taste to it. I just went along with what they were making and ate It. I Think this is where I’ve lost my taste for Italian food. Since I got tired of it. I went on to eat foreign delicacies. Such as Tempura and Gyudon. Its taste was so fantastic I just couldn’t go back. My parents didn’t like the fact that I was leaving their traditional heritage of food. They started getting aggravated because they had no clue of where to buy any of this stuff. It wasn’t sold in supermarkets at the time. So, our babysitter took us down to her house and we’d cook the stuff there. Her house was very minimalist, old, and somewhat decaying. nothing on the walls besides this exotic oriental pattern from Thailand. There weren’t many materialist items. Such as a TV, computer, car and phone. I had asked; “Don’t you have a tv or computer I could go on?” I asked “No, “she replied I wondered why she doesn’t even bother to have a TV or a computer? Is this lady living in the 21st century? I would think most people would have these items.So, we would continue to make the food on this hot summer day. The damn place didn’t have air conditioning. So, we finish cooking and sit down then, ask her. “Why don’t you have a computer or a television?” She gets up a takes a breath. And says “Because materials have no value to ourselves” Then later says. “I am a Buddhist, Possessions are what we attach to I find such things are what people should have no need of.” “Do you care to explain?’ She explained a specific term in Buddhism called “Upādāna” Which means “fuel’ and the cause of suffering. Which is an extension of “Dukkha” which is the meaning of “un-satisfactoriness” It made no sense to me at first. But as began to think deeper. It clicked. All of what she was saying made absolute sense of why she had nothing in her house. Lots of people have attached to items that have no meaning. Often feeling unsatisfied with what they are handed Of course. most of us have leaned onto items for happiness. The home that she had lived in, was really beat up so we never could go back there for quite some time. She moved back to Thailand and sold her house to support her supermarket she had. The feeling of this home was esoteric. I missed it, nothing but old newspapers and plants. How I feel about this place is different from my actual home that I’d live in. The space made me move around more and clear my mind. Even though the color of the interior wasn’t my forte. I hope to visit her exact home in Thailand one day. I hope her well. My mother, had taken me and my brother down to Upper Darby when we were children. where we would meet our babysitter, Sodsee. Our mother wanted us to learn how to cook her recipes. She had no clue of how making the Asian food. Our mother pulled off to say a goodbye, Sodee’s exterior was small and bush of vegetables growing in the front of her house. The exterior didn’t have much else besides the rotting plaster on the exterior walls. We entered the interior of her house, it was very minimalist, old, and somewhat decaying. nothing on the walls besides some pictures of elephants. The textures of her walls felt bumpy and rough. I entered her place for the first time with Nicholas, My brother. He had loved her cooking as much as I did. I’d enter her damp unrenovated kitchen with my brother and I. would help her cut up some of the ingredients. Like Scallions’ and peppers. We’d help her make a dish that is called “Thai pork” with rice. She had many different ingredients that I haven’t seen before. A lot of those ingredients were from her marketplace. She was running a supermarket that she had built with her family’s inheritance. Sodsee came to the USA look for a job in architecture. She was studying over in her home country Thailand. She had finished school and wanted to start over in America. She told me a story once of her boss hiring her because of how calm she was when instructed to schematics again. Later in time, technology was growing more rapidly in the late 80’s and 90’s. her boss wanted her to learn how to use computer. She knew how to draw the schematics and blueprints, which lead to the inevitable of losing her job. Unfortunately, had nowhere else to turn. So, she put an ad to put babysitting in the newspaper. It was easier for her to travel because near her location. It was a more convenient. We finished cooking and sat down, I was starving, Like a Camel in the Sahara. So, I dived right in, and the taste of the pork was Spicy, sweet and tangy. The rice, was sticky, It sticks to the roof of your mouth. Some of it can stay on your clothes if you’re a slob. This food wasn’t something you’d taste at one of those Asian American restaurants. No, it was truly the authentic cuisine! We finished eating. and I had looked around all’s I see besides the empty space. No materialist items. Such as a TV, computer, car and phone. I had asked; “Don’t you have a tv or computer I could use?” I asked “No, “ Sodsee replied I wondered why she doesn’t even bother to have a TV or a computer? Is this lady living in the 21st century? I would think Most people would have these items. “Why don’t you have a computer or a television?” She gets up a takes a breath. And says “Because materials have no value to us” “Do you care to explain?’ She explained a specific term in Buddhism called “Taṇhā” Which refers to Thirst and desire and longing. Which then is an extension of “Dukkha” which is the meaning of “un-satisfactoriness” “the Term “Dukkha” is what we all have in ourselves. Everybody experiences Dukkha. For some people, are what I describe as Taṇhā. Our Desires can leave us unsatisfied.”I reply;“What about Christmas! People buy presents they feel happy!” Sodsee Replies;“That is where both “Dukkha” and “Tanha” come in, those people will eventually be unsatisfied with what they are given. then will keep wanting more to satisfy themselves. It made no sense to me at first. as I began to think deeper and as time went on. All of what she was saying made absolute sense of why she had nothing in her house. Lots of people have attached to items that have no meaning. Often feeling unsatisfied with what they’re handed of course. most of us have leaned onto items for happiness. After I had left that day, what Sodsee had told those days had stuck in my mind for a long time. Those teachings were branches to lead me on a different path. Reading practices from not only Buddhism, but its other branch Hinduism and other religions. I was raised a catholic my entire life. It had changed my perspective on the world. The home that she had lived in, was really rundown. so we never could go back there for quite some time. She moved back to Thailand and sold her house to support her supermarket she owned. I missed her house, the contents were nothing but old newspapers and plants. How I feel about this place is different from my actual home that I’d live in. The space made me move around more and clear my mind. Even though the color of the interior wasn’t my forte. I hope to visit her exact home in Bangkok, Thailand one day, It would give me a perspective on her culture. The term “Hiraeth’ which has no direct English translation but can be defined as homesickness with a mix of longing and or desire. Some individuals describe it as an a more of an intense form of nostalgia.
You could say that I’m already at home. I’ve never really felt a real “homesickness.” My life could be based around home since I rarely ever leave “home” and never felt sick of it. From my earliest days of childhood where I would play PlayStation 2 with my older brother and twin. We would go downstairs, make breakfast, then go into our colorless basement around 9:00 am and sit around and play old titles like Grand Theft Auto, Midnight Club 2 and Crash Bandicoot. We would have a blast until our mother came down to see what was all the commotion was about. We all would get really loud and she’d like to sleep in because it was her day off from work Because her uncle would drive her to wall at the barber shop. It was a time when home was a place that felt like a home but never a true “longing” for it. I distress that home is really a place where I felt at most peace. I feel home is merely a bubble that keeps me from the outside world and experiencing new things. Once I want to pop my bubble. It becomes a lot less comfortable. The anxiety hits me like an iceberg from the titanic. The fear is the sinking ship on its last legs and the pressure is falling into the ocean. Wanting to escape a home that I’m longing for is to leave this feeling of “home”. Maybe my home is to leave a home where I’m not comfortable or a place where I feel like I am in a new home. Being with Different people is one example of how I feel home. You can share whatever you’d like and they can relate to how your feeling. Which is a real “home” for me. When I first entered class on the 3rd week of January. Our professor had instructed us about the term “Hiraeth”. I sat down and thought. What the hell is a Hiraeth? Is it some Celtic warrior that fights in the middle ages for his family and honor? What is he talking about? He later explained that it was a welsh term for a “longing for a lost home.”
My first thought was what home am I longing for? I have to type a paper that is more than 1000 words and have no idea what type of “home” do I need to transcribe? So, I thought maybe home is something we I don’t long for. Maybe it’s something a lot more personal then I think it would be. Like a feeling of loneliness or isolation. Where you hope for a better home. I started tracing back to the earliest days of my childhood. The times where I would go to my Babysitters house and just make Oriental food with her. She was always interesting person. Her house was minimalist and kept very clean and tidy. She came from Thailand to be an architect and eventually lost her job. She had no understanding of computers or technology. So, she started doing babysitting as a something to make up for it. I could say that her home was something I long for. A place with no clutter and a lot of space to think and meditate. She was a Buddhist and passed her teachings from her monks to other people. Which lead to me to changing my religion. From Christianity to a Buddhist. Which also changed my perspective of life. Which was to be very minimalist and remove the fear and hatred that keeps us at a bind. Being fully aware of ourselves, actions and surroundings. |
Here is where I blog for our English Composition class. I am a student at DCCC and is 22 years old.
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